>Every deep relationship you have with anyone else is also a portal into the relationship you have with yourself.
Love this bit. Also, that graph for the threshold is very on point. I feel like I'm only starting to grasp what intimacy looks like in platonic friendships, and I think I've had the tendency to try to apply the same threshold to everyone. If it didn't work, it was something I wasn't doing right, or just something I needed to try to expand myself.
I don't think this was out of malice, but more trying to fill a vessel which was empty for a long time. One person didn't feel like enough, so I was trying to get the same amount from every relationship, rather than having a variety. When you're emerging from an intense loneliness, it feels like a lot of *work* to try to build that variety (especially when you feel meeting people in general is difficult, in order to HAVE that variety).
This kind of realigned me a bit, mostly because I've seen what happens when you try to force that. I think it's okay to be a bit disappointed that someone's threshold is lower when you'd want it to be higher (because well, you want to know them deeper!), but it's similar to someone not wanting to be in a romantic relationship with you: you know that if you forced them, it wouldn't be authentic.
And it wheels back to the "relationship you have with yourself" in that way. I'm looking for other people to perhaps fill a gap I need to fill myself.
Sorry for the ramble, but I'm going to share this with a few people I think would appreciate it. Cheers!
Also, some feedback for the voiceover: there's some audio popping here and there (not sure why). It also kind of sounds like you're "reading this in front of the class", which kind of comes off a bit colder than what the tone of the piece is. I'm not sure how actionable this is, but I think the tone should be closer to "reading this to a friend across the table at a cafe", which comes with less vulnerability, but less ridigity.
Anyone I’ve ever dated will tell you I am hyper independent and a little stubborn. Last year, I prided myself on being so good at being alone. Armored myself with solitude. I’ve changed my mind on that recently — there’s something really tender and important about being deeply intertwined with the people in your life. This year, instead of my impulse to control, to hide, to put on a mask, I’ve been experiencing and rewiring: Maybe softness is better. Presence is better. Maybe I’ll try again.
--> You did it again. I can't stop telling you how much I love how your write. So so relatable.
I’m definitely on the lower end of that graph and often times, I come across people on the higher end and I feel I cannot maintain the relationship. Either because I am aware that I am not able to give them enough or I am just too jealous of the fact that I am not enough for them!
Sometimes I wonder what it’d be like meeting someone who’s on the lower end as well... maybe I have met someone like that and they also didn’t give me enough.
These days I still rely a lot on hyper independence, but the older I get the more I crave connection, intimacy and softness. Would be nice of you to explore this subject further. I love your blog!
This piece came at the perfect time for me, down to recent inner feelings and circumstances with the relationships I hold. Thanks for such a beautifully written piece that is written in a way I wish to be prominent in my writings too :)
>Every deep relationship you have with anyone else is also a portal into the relationship you have with yourself.
Love this bit. Also, that graph for the threshold is very on point. I feel like I'm only starting to grasp what intimacy looks like in platonic friendships, and I think I've had the tendency to try to apply the same threshold to everyone. If it didn't work, it was something I wasn't doing right, or just something I needed to try to expand myself.
I don't think this was out of malice, but more trying to fill a vessel which was empty for a long time. One person didn't feel like enough, so I was trying to get the same amount from every relationship, rather than having a variety. When you're emerging from an intense loneliness, it feels like a lot of *work* to try to build that variety (especially when you feel meeting people in general is difficult, in order to HAVE that variety).
This kind of realigned me a bit, mostly because I've seen what happens when you try to force that. I think it's okay to be a bit disappointed that someone's threshold is lower when you'd want it to be higher (because well, you want to know them deeper!), but it's similar to someone not wanting to be in a romantic relationship with you: you know that if you forced them, it wouldn't be authentic.
And it wheels back to the "relationship you have with yourself" in that way. I'm looking for other people to perhaps fill a gap I need to fill myself.
Sorry for the ramble, but I'm going to share this with a few people I think would appreciate it. Cheers!
Also, some feedback for the voiceover: there's some audio popping here and there (not sure why). It also kind of sounds like you're "reading this in front of the class", which kind of comes off a bit colder than what the tone of the piece is. I'm not sure how actionable this is, but I think the tone should be closer to "reading this to a friend across the table at a cafe", which comes with less vulnerability, but less ridigity.
this piece was so relaxing to listen to!!
You are such a beautiful writer; eloquent.
Btw the french songs are always a mood
Anyone I’ve ever dated will tell you I am hyper independent and a little stubborn. Last year, I prided myself on being so good at being alone. Armored myself with solitude. I’ve changed my mind on that recently — there’s something really tender and important about being deeply intertwined with the people in your life. This year, instead of my impulse to control, to hide, to put on a mask, I’ve been experiencing and rewiring: Maybe softness is better. Presence is better. Maybe I’ll try again.
--> You did it again. I can't stop telling you how much I love how your write. So so relatable.
Wow! The intimacy threshold graph is so apt!
I’m definitely on the lower end of that graph and often times, I come across people on the higher end and I feel I cannot maintain the relationship. Either because I am aware that I am not able to give them enough or I am just too jealous of the fact that I am not enough for them!
Sometimes I wonder what it’d be like meeting someone who’s on the lower end as well... maybe I have met someone like that and they also didn’t give me enough.
These days I still rely a lot on hyper independence, but the older I get the more I crave connection, intimacy and softness. Would be nice of you to explore this subject further. I love your blog!
I definitely enjoyed the voice over ☺️🤌🏽
This piece came at the perfect time for me, down to recent inner feelings and circumstances with the relationships I hold. Thanks for such a beautifully written piece that is written in a way I wish to be prominent in my writings too :)
i think i came across this post at the right time; beautiful writing! you answered what i have thought about my last relationship.
I very much enjoyed the voice over and hope to listen in on more in the future. :)
this was lovely. listened to the voiceover — think it adds a sense of intimacy. thank you.
I love everything about this piece. Thank you for sharing